Flicking the Bean for the Win! A Review of, The Bronze

“When the Competition ends, where do you go?

For Bronze Medalist Hope Ann Gregory, you go home”

I should have known when I walked into the movie theatre that the film was going to be terrible because no one was there, not one soul. As I was walking into the theatre, I was hit by a strange stench in the air that reeked of depression, old, sweat, and a dash of flatulence. Why I didn’t turn around and walk out, I don’t know. Typically, the only way I will see a film in theaters is if the reviews are amazing or I can’t find it on the internet. Unfortunately for me, The Bronze, was not on the internet.

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The Bronze, is a story about Hope Ann Greggory played by Melissa Rauch from, The Big Bang Theory.  Gregory is from the small town of Amherst, Ohio who was a top gymnast for the USA in 2004. She rose to fame by placing 3rd in the all around after she popped her Achilles tendon.

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Clearly, taken from the 1996 story of USA gymnast, Kerri Strug.

Fast forward to 2016, Hope is no longer the cute little dough eyed teenager who injured her ankle on the balance beam in 2004. Now in her late 20’s, she continues to live in the glory days of when the world adored and praised her will to preserve in spite of her injury.  At the start of each day Hope masturbates to the footage of her injury and win of the bronze medal. It makes her feel good about herself (all puns intended). She makes her way into her father’s mail truck and steals the money out of cards and uses the money to buy the latest sneakers at the mall and brags to people about her previous accomplishments. She is a modern day, Willy Loman. If Tanya Harding and Ricky Bobby got “Shak’n N Bak’n” and  had a baby it would be, Hope Ann Gregory. An American Hero and Shit

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As I was watching the film, I was seriously trying to find the best parts of the movie without being too critical. There actually were some very funny parts of the film. I appreciated that I was in the theaters alone, so I could cringe at horrible moments without having to muzzle myself.

There were some parts of the film that were funny and great cinematically. Particularly the nerdy awkwardness of Ben/ Twitchy played by Thomas Middledtich from Silicon Valley. His acting was the most authentic and believable in the film. However, Middleditch has the tendency to play the same type of characters, nerds. So it really wasn’t that surprising that he is good at being himself

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One of the best shots of the film shows the evolution of the Hope as she realizes that the world that she had been living in, no longer belongs to her. But now belongs to her protégés, Maggie. A wide dolly shot shows Maggie doing the routine that Hope taught her in the foreground and Hope is seen standing in the background at the edge of the mat. As Maggie flips and contorts her body in and out of the frame, the camera moves in on Hope in slow motion as Hope comes to the realization that she can no longer live in her glory days.  That was beautiful. I actually said that out loud in the theaters.

The trailer led me to believe that this was a movie that I would be missing out on if I didn’t see it. But really, I could have just waited until it comes on Netflix. I give it a month. I rate  this movie two Kanye shrugs.

Also, check out this promo video for, The Bronze.

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